Mashonda finally expresses in-depth about her feelings about her situation with her ex-husband Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys, who is now his fiance'. She explains where she stands now with the situation, the process of moving on and dealing with the divorce, and much more is explained to Vibe Magazine from her.Here's a few things she expressed to the magazine:
For more of the interview click here.You’ve mentioned in the past that Swizz repeatedly denied having an affair with Alicia. Did he ever fully come out and admit to it?
My husband admitted to having his affair on Mothers Day 2008, six months after I found out. I didn't sleep for a whole year. I had to take pills to sleep because I'd wake up in the middle of the night crying. I couldn't even look at my son some days because I didn't have the strength and I never wanted him to feel my bad energy. It was a battle. They are just now going public, but this has been going on for a very long time. I refused to really break it down for people to understand because there was no way I could go around not making [Swizz and Alicia] look extra crazy and I didn't want to put that out there for my son. I didn't want him to see his father as a monster. But the shit is deep.
What was the last thing you remember doing to keep the marriage in tact?I did everything I could do, but I knew there was no working it out when he admitted his affair to me… he was happy about it. After lying about it for so long and finally admitting it I was like ‘I can't take it no more!’ In the back of my mind I was like, ‘I have to fight for my family, this is my son's father. We were supposed to grow old together, we were supposed to raise this baby together, we were supposed to do all these things, I'm fighting for my fucking husband. I don't care who he's dating, I don't care how much money she's got, I'm fighting for my husband.’ And then I realized… I can't fight for him… he doesn't want to be with me. I'm not going to win this one.
How do you fight for a husband?I fought more for the family than I did for my husband. It wasn't ‘I love you, don't leave me.’ It was never that because that’s not even me. It was, ‘Let’s work it out for this baby. You can't leave. I can't be a single mom. Let’s go to counseling, we are a family.’
Did you ever get a response?None… none.
Were these conversations mainly over the phone?
Phone. Person. He lived here for a long time after he left to go be with her. He was back and forth.
Did you guys sleep in the same bed?No, I put him in a different room. I know my worth. I don't have to beg anybody to want to be with me. I wouldn't torture myself with that.
*Keep in mind this is the middle of the interview, you can trace it back to the beginning.
